Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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