Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
