I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
