so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
A+ Viking dick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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