Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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