So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
