After last night, I could never be a politician.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
