i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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