I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
