she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
