PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
