Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Im part way to drunk.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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