it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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