dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
