so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
