Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
