i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
