i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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