Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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