You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
