Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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