I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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