The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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