69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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