I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
