Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
