it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
