my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
