U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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