I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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