Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
