she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize