Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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