Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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