GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
