someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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