Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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