let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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