Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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