guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
