i barfeds in our rink
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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