So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
