they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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