using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
