omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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