my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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