I think I just saw someone hide a body.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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