Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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