I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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