you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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