I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
