this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
