btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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