My brain says no but my pants say off.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
