ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
