What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize