Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have aggressive nipples.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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