I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
