his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize