uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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