After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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