Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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