Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
