i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
