Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
