Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
