when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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