I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
