SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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