you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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