I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize