Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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