dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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