also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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