i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
