1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Im part way to drunk.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
