fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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