I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
