How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dicks are not precious.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize