I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
