What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Randomize
