She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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