Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
