I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
