im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
