I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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