I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
