Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
