to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
