Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
