Your dad touched me again.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize