And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
