Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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