So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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