he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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