the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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