We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
