can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
