Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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