Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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