Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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