Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
