And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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