He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
