The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
