So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
