if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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