All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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