I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
