grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
