Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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