dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
