I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
