And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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