That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
