He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
